About five months ago I had my first baby, a darling girl whose smile lights up her whole plump face. I don’t want to tell you how becoming a parent has changed my life—because, obviously, it has, but it also changes every person’s life, so there’s nothing new to be said there. But I do want to tell you how it’s changed my life as a reader.
For most people reading is a leisure activity, something done before bed or on long train rides or in front of fireplaces on snowy afternoons. For me reading has always been a necessity. It's something I make time for no matter what — maybe the way some people make time for the gym, or for long phone calls with old friends. Last year I read 33 books (not counting all the Baby-sitters Club books I reread…of which there were numerous!). It's only March, but I can already guarantee that my number will be way down in 2015. And that's because I can't find the same kind of reading time now that I have a baby.
Being a parent of a newborn is this seemingly contradictory mix of having no time at all but also having hours of "free" time. The days were an endless cycle of trying to get my daughter to nap, feeding her, changing her diaper, feeding her again, changing her again, doing her laundry, frantically figuring out dinner, trying to get her to sleep, and then collapsing, exhausted, into bed. But there were also long hours spent on my couch, baby nestled in the crook of my shoulder while I watched episodes of really bad reality television shows. (I mean, some of them were just terrible.) There were hours spent online while she nursed, as I scrolled and Liked and Commented and Shared. I found that had just enough energy to watch whatever marathon Bravo was airing; just enough mental clarity to post pictures of my baby on Facebook. But I could not find the time or energy to pick up a book.
I was a reader who no longer read.*
I worried about this newfound status of mine for weeks. Books piled up on my nightstand; in the wee hours of the morning I found myself purchasing ebooks online, watching them stack up on my ereader like they were taunting me. I felt left out of all the book conversations that were happening on Twitter; my answer to "Have you read [fill in the blank] yet?" was always, unequivocally, "no."
Sometime around my daughter's third month of life, things settled down. She began sleeping fairly regularly; it started to feel like she had always been around, like she was just this normal part of my life. One night I found myself at that perfect junction of sleepy and awake, and everything I needed to do was done, so I thought, "I'm going to read." And I did. I picked up a book of essays that had been lying on my nightstand for months and I read one.
Just one.
But still. It was a start.
A few weeks later I came back to work...and I realized my problem—being a reader who no longer read—was about to solve itself. Because suddenly, I had to board a subway twice a day. And the subway is ideal reading time.
So now here I am, trying to make my way through my long backlog of books. It's slow going (I still rarely find time to read outside of my commute) but I cherish it. Reading has always been a part of me, and even now that my life has changed, it's still as crucial as ever.
*Except for board books! I've been reading to my daughter since the day she was born, literally. I took the advice from the American Academy of Pediatrics seriously—reading is a non-negotiable part of my daughter's day. (Plus, it's a fun, simple way to connect with her.) Watching her grow from a newborn who couldn't even see the books I was holding in front of her to an active five month old who grabs at the pages (and sticks them in her mouth, but whatever, no judgment) has been extraordinary. And the quality of baby books is tremendous! They're whimsical and funny, silly and hopeful, loving and intimate. Some of them are easy to memorize, so I find myself reciting them to my daughter all throughout the day—when we're walking or during bathtime and even just as I'm trying to calm her down. (She's teething now, the poor thing!)
